What I want

What I want? Right now?

To spend an entire day snuggling in a huge, plush bed with Bailee, giggling, telling jokes, watching our favorite movies, stroking her delicate hair until she falls to sleep, breathing her in deeply, staring at her in wonder and amazement of how beautiful and perfect she is, thanking God for my little blessing and just bond with her and hold her the entire day – just us, all day, one-on-one in total comfort and luxury – the way she makes my life feel every day. I know that if I got this chance, I’d never want to leave that spot for the rest of my life.

To spend an entire day snuggling in bed with my mom, giggling and telling jokes, talking and telling stories about the rollercoaster past we have had and the hilarious and fun journeys we’ve taken as a family, indulging in delivery food and sweet snacks, watching tear-jerker lifetime movies and dramas about asshole men and the women that love them, and just spend quality time, one-on-one, just us, all day in total comfort and luxury – because we both deserve it.

To take a ride with my dad, no where important, just a ride and feel the comfort and security his passive and cautious driving gives me, listening to oldies with the windows down, take in the distinct smell of the mixture of his cologne and cigarettes in his sun-warmed car, have the meaningless and somewhat awkward short sentenced conversations that we are notorious for and feel like a daddies girl again, when his kids were all that mattered to him and he was our protector and provider.

Take a day to tell Jeremy how much I love him and spend a day encouraging him, lifting him up and building him up, reminding him of his amazing qualities and remind him that I am his number one fan, that I have faith in him in all that he does and am proud of all that he has done, and his goals and aspirations for the future. He can’t talk though, he has to just listen. I just want to spend a day and just have him listen - to pure praise and admiration for the person he is because he does deserve that. Then spend the rest of the day just reminiscing on the life we have had, the accomplishment that is our daughter, listening to music that means something to both of us and just enjoying each others company, like we used to.

Have a cook-out with my brothers Billy and Jay and my step-dad Yasser, grill up our favorite foods, on a late summer afternoon and just hang out and talk, joke with each other and forget any of the issues that keep us at a distance, forget anyone’s skeletons and demons and just be together and enjoy each other. Share stories of late nights together, crazy motel and truck stop adventures, laugh at Johnathon and his cute little language he had as a child, and about the goofy games Billy and I would play growing up – and come together and be thankful to each other that it was because of our bonds, our closeness and our love that we made it through some of the hardest years of our lives growing up, and take the time to maybe put our futures into perspective and realize we can pull each other through the rest of our lives if we keep the bond we created so long ago.

Go to a music festival on some beautiful, grassy, open grounds with rolling hills with my sister Maryam and just spend the day together enjoying music and the vibes. Talk about anything and everything that comes to mind – and set the mood to music. I just want an entire day to talk – actually, to listen to her. Just listen to everything she has to say, in such an open and creative environment, witness the creativity, the light and the love she has in her and just let her pour it all out. I want to dream up ideas with her, encourage her own dreams and ideas, laugh about the silly ones and bring clarity, light and hopefulness to corners of her life that are dark. Just spend the day finally and absolutely getting to know her, and every last thing about her.

Spend the day with my baby nephew Dakota and just play. Do creative crafts, get on the floor and rough and tumble with him, listen to him and everything he wants to tell me, get inside his little head and see what he thinks, what he imagines and what he likes and loves and just dote on him and adore him and spoil him and love him. Just love him. I just love him.

That’s just what I want, right now, right this minute. So much.

Come One, Come All!

I'm excited.....

I am beginning to plan the ULTIMATE birthday party...

Bailee's 5th Circus Themed Birthday Party!

My little monkey is turning 5. I can not even begin to wrap my head around that statement.

This will be a big year for her - 5 year birthday, starting school this fall, leaving her beloved daycare and her little "family" there in Adamstown, beginning a legit schedule each night to include taking SHOWERS on her own (Lord help me with that, the child HATES water in her face) no more mommy waking her up right before I step out the door in the morning, and dressing her as she is still sleeping... she just doesn't know whats coming to her.

So, I figure I'd go all out and REALLY celebrate this year and make it a memorable and enjoyable one for her.

The past 4 years I have really gone all out anyways when it came to her parties, with the exception of last year's Hannah Montana Party -I just couldn't bring myself to contribute anymore of my paychecks to her endless bank account, as I have already invested in a lifetimes worth of her inventory.

Bailee's 1st birthday I did a Sponge Bob Theme party - completely decorated my house like an underwater Bikini Bottom, complete with a rock shaped cake like Patricks house, green Twinkies with black licorice antennas just like the little guy Plankton. I had a ton of fun with that party. However, Bailee of course can not remember it, and I didn't have a camera.... so it's just a faint memory.

2nd birthday, well, now that I think about it - wasn't much of a theme there - except for maybe the adult after party and the endless Margaritas... now THAT is how I like to celebrate.... anyways....

3rd birthday was by far my favorite party.... Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

My wonderful momma made a candy tree with all kinds of unique candies. I melted jolly ranchers onto poster-board and hung them on the walls to mimic the lickable walls in the movie (germ fest, I know lol) and God bless the dollar store for selling candy beach balls, tons of those all around the house and hanging from the ceiling.

We had a Golden Egg hunt (the winner who found the golden egg amongst the other Easter eggs won the candy tree - which I now regret lol) and they even had bubbles in cola bottle shaped containers, just like the magic bubble burping soda from the movie.

I made our own little candy world and made flowers (made out of green pipe cleaners and yellow paper cups stuck into green potters Styrofoam) and filled them with candy and put them throughout the party area, the kids made their own candy necklaces..... it was by far the most fun I have had decorating.

And this year, well, I am sick of organized games and activities because I'll admit - get me in a room full of kids and their parents, I have a hard time staying organized and in compliance with my agenda for the party..... I can plan, and I can decorate - can I follow through with my own agenda and schedule - hell no.

So, a circus party, under an actual Big Top Tent, with little game booths, a petting zoo, face painting, sno-cones, hot dogs, pizza and chips, a ticket booth and a giant popcorn box (photo op), I am thrilled to sit back and let them loose.

I've decided we'll have the following types of games at the ticket booths:

- Duck Pond (though, I don't quite know how to pull that off, with magnets???)

- Knock the Cans - throw the balls and knock the empty cans over (anyone have a pampered

chef can opener I can borrow for the smooth edges??)

- Pop the Balloon - throw darts at the balloons and pop them (might be a bit dangerous??)

-Pie in the Face - only because I am hoping my husband will volunteer and I'll be able to play

- Bean Bag Toss - through a board with holes in it

- Soda Bowling - bowling down water filled 2 liter soda bottles

Any ideas for other age appropriate, home-made carnival games?

Any ideas or suggestions on throwing a backyard Carnival at all? All suggestions are greatly appreciated!

And, if you have a kiddo - you are totally invited! Saturday July 18th at 2:00pm. I'll be sending formal invites, but if you think you'd be interested, let me know and I'll put you on the list ;)