Colored Lighters

This blog was made for random ramblings... and well, here is a post filled with them. Just things going through my mind lately.

One of them - colored lighters.
Why exactly do they make lighters colored?
Why do they waste the time and the money making plastic film to cover white lighters?
What is the point in this?
It made me think - there are so many stupid things people do to the "little things in life"... and for what? The more I think about it, the more I realize that by improving all these little things in life, we are taking away joy from the bigger things in life - the things that should bring us joy.
But then again - it's the little things in life that make life here in the grand old US of A exciting, and we are (or once were) a nation that had the capabilities and resources and intelligence to improve or glamorize those little things.
But then again, we are such a damn visually stimulated and gratified nation, that things like a drawing your kid made, a sunset in your backyard, the labor, love and smell of a home cooked meal are all just mundane, just the norm. But, a glitzy, colored lighter, big plastic boobs, a cell phone that saves and plays music and accesses the internet is what really makes life worth living.
Just kinda pisses me off.

I am pissed off about my taste buds too.
I am not much of a "brown bag" lunch eater. If I have to slave away at work all day long, I'd like some exciting meal at 12 to break up my day.
But, I can't deny I am dirt poor right now. So, I have stocked up on canned soups, crackers, oatmeal and other cheap, filling meals to take to work.
So I am actually ending up eating more that I usually would eat, and probably better than usual and actually really filling up during the day at work. But, am I satisfied? Hell no.
Soup???? I mean, uck.
Stupid little taste buds. Kinda like colored lighters - I just had a hearty bowl of chicken and sausage gumbo, crackers and half a can of black olives and am TOTALLY unsatisfied.
Stupid, fat taste buds.

I just noticed, there is a scheduled outage on this website at 4:00pm. Just FYI.

Bailee had an "awwww" moment last night.... I told her to go get ready for bed and I'd be up in a second. No problem usually, she does as told and is really good about it. Well I came upstairs last night and see her on her bed all teary-eyed. Figured she was pissed about going to bed (we are slowly going to bed earlier and earlier to prepare for the 8:30pm bedtimes that will go into effect when she goes to school this year....) and I ask her what's wrong. She tried REALLY hard to choke back the tears and then busts out crying.
Apparently - the little boy on the TV lost his puppy.
And she was DEVASTATED.
So we hugged, I smiled, she bawled, I explained how those things can happen. It was a true "awwwww" moment that I loved.

So I got my results from the sleep study. I probably have to go back for another one. I don't have apnea (yeah!) but I do have Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome, which is why I moo.
Just have to change the way I sleep - must sleep on my stomach, as I usually do. Should get a mouth guard and sleep with those sleep right nose strips, and yeah - lose some weight. That's a given. But, I have to go back to see how sleepy I am during the day. Which means I have to go do a study that is conducted during the day where I have to take 20 minute naps in 2 hour intervals. They turn off all lights, TV, everything and I have to make myself take a nap. Test to see how quickly I fall asleep, how sleepy I am during the day, how easily I fall asleep and all that. They provide lunch and TV an internet so I am STOKED to be in my jammies all day and be forced to take naps. I mean how AWESOME! lol
So, no machine at night, but hopefully some simple modifications to how I sleep and my weight will help with the moo-ing. Otherwise, adenoids might have to come out or even explore my throat and see if surgery is needed. But, I doubt it'll happen - I just have VERY small nostrils and nasal passages and will probably moo the rest of my life. It's cool. Like I said, great sex deterrent! lol.

Back to my pshyco fears...
I REALLY want to take Bailee to Ski Roundtop to go sledding. I REALLY want to go sledding myself.
I am having panic attacks about it. Fo' real. Like afraid I will just tumble all the way down the hill and break my neck. So I am hoping I can find a way to go and have to stay with Bailee, lol. Hopefully the Prozac will kick in before then.

Speaking of Bailee - I am already planning her 5th birthday party! I usually start planning things months in advance and then rush at the very end to get it done.
I am throwing her a Circus themed party!!! My moms boyfriend has a literal Circus tent that he had put up this summer and threw two AWESOME parties under. One was a Cajun Party complete with Cajun inspired food, a BBQ smoker, a few kegs, a live DJ, a fire pit and about 50 people. It was incredible! Then a Halloween party and we decorated the tent and it was just awesome.
So, I have begged to throw Bailee a party under the big top! And of course, since Mike is one of the greatest guys around, he obliged and we are getting all excited for it! I am going to have typical carnival type games, a clown, popcorn, hot dogs and cotton candy, a PONY (or maybe some goats from my friend Jennifer's farm and make a little petting zoo) and face painting. I am SO excited!!!!!!! I want to really go all out since it'll be just a few weeks before she leaves her daycare in MD of 5 years and all her friends and moves on to WVA schools and neighborhood friends. It's going to be very sad and hard for us all when she leaves daycare and her friends there, because they are like family, and because it is very expensive to travel to MD - really to travel anywhere, so her time with them will be spuratic - as much as I can afford. It just really breaks my heart - so I want a full on celebration for her.
So, be on the lookout for your invitation this spring!

Well.... that is it for now. You all feelin me on any of this?!?!?!

OMG....

Did I just say "feelin me"??????

ugh.

200 times?

So Sunday evening I had my sleep study.

*Before I continue, I just want you to know this blog won't be entirely about my trips to doctors - it's just the beginning of the new year and health is at the top of my resolution list and the thing consuming most of my thoughts....

Anyways, I had my sleep study. I went first to go visit my brother in the hospital, hoping seeing him in miserable sleeping conditions would make me feel like I was on vacation (I know, that really sounds horrible considering the pain he was in and the actual miserable sleeping conditions) - I hate Shady Grove Hospital, I just despise it. I love Hospitals, but hate Shady Grove. The people are so rude, the rooms so suffocating, just yuck.

So, when I left Shady Grove, I went on to my study and was met by a very weird lady. Very pleasant and comforting, but weird. I guess you become a little starved for conversation when your job is staying up all hours of the night watching other people sleep.....

But, she got me to my room, got me all wired up and it was actually great! The room was huge, the bed sooooooooooooo comfortable and all the amenities of a hotel room. And I got to watch the Grammys so it was nice.

I actually was able to doze off fairly quickly and 5:00 am came all too soon.

So she goes on to tell me that I woke myself up making my weird noises about 200 times that night!!!! OR that my brain woke up 200 times that night and led to me making noises, the doctor is going to have to review the results to determine what came first. But, all in all I slept about an hour and a half in the 7 hours I was "asleep" - no WONDER 5 alarm clocks will not wake me up. I am EXHAUSTED!!!!!
I only remember waking myself up maybe twice that night, so I really am surprised and how often I woke up and how little sleep I am actually getting, when I feel as though I am asleep all night and sleep like a rock. It's just very interesting to me, and now I want to watch the video of me sleeping.

So, I should know tomorrow the final results of the test and if I have to go back to try sleeping with the apnea machine if this is a case of apnea. I don't want the machine/mask thing, but we'll see.

As for the rest of my life.... I HATE having a DOG. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Billy always finds his way into my blogs....

if you think of it, say a prayer for my bro.

he has an abscess in his tooth that has now spread to his blood and there is the chance it could spread to his heart, but we are thinking they have it under control.

well, if you think of it, keep him in your prayers. thank ya!

New Years Resolutions? One down.... trillions more to go....

So this year I made some resolutions.

And this year, I intend on meeting all of my goals.

One year I made a resolution to lose weight, and I did it.... big time. Lost 80 lbs in 7 months.
If I could have at one time in my life met the biggest resolution for myself and many Americans, then I know I can meet the ones I created this year... and yes.... losing 80 lbs is on there again.

Resolution #1: Take charge of my health - DONE!!

Hubby and I went to the doctor yesterday. He gave in and took the day off with me so we could both go at the same time and support each other, and make sure neither one of us were leaving anything out.
My session with the doc was GREAT! Everything I wanted, actually. I went in that office determined to have every question answered, and need met. And I got that. INCREDIBLE!
The only time I have ever had a doctor meet my every need was when they yanked Bailee from my uterus.

And, as a result of yesterdays wonderful visit, I am scheduled for a sleep study this Sunday.
This all stems from my moo-ing problem.

Apparently.... when I sleep..... I moo. Yes..... like a cow. And no.... it's not cuz I am fat (well, I hope not at least... lol)

Moo, moan, groan - I do it all. Apparently it also sounds like I am having a very x-rated dream.... and that is VERY embarrassing especially since it happens almost every time I exhale..... greaaaat.
And on top of the animal noises, I just don't feel like I have the best quality of sleep and it is literally impossible to wake me up at anytime before 9:30 am. Impossible. So I am really excited to do the sleep study - very nervous for the noises that will go with it and not to thrilled with the fact that it could be apnea and I could have to wear that weird mask thing that makes you breathe through your nose, because I am soooo not all about that. But, if it gets me to sleep and gets me to wake up.... I'll wear it. It also might be a great sex deterrent for my husband, which would be AWESOME!!!! Who wants to have sex with a big old plastic oxygen mask that moo's?

Finally, I got my script for Prozac and a referral to a great doctor in Frederick to manage my PCOS. Now, while I was hoping for an anti-depressant/anxiety med, I am kind of torn about it.
I am really trying to focus on my religion and relationship with God, and feel that my "depression" and anxiety should be and could be cured through Him. However, I can not stop the thoughts that go through my head. I can talk myself down from them - like rationalize with myself that no, I won't get eaten by a bear, no, Bailee won't fall out of her window, no, I probably won't die in my sleep tonight - but even though I can pray about them and get over them - THEY WON'T GO AWAY.
So, is it wrong that I get on meds???
Is that lunatic Tom Cruise onto something in that we don't need these meds docs are so easy to dish out - that we can control it... that GOD can control it? Am I sinning by doing this? I know I NEEDED these pills with my Post Partum Depression, but do I NEED them now? Do I NEED them for the rest of my life since I have a tendency to fluctuate?
And here we go - another anxiety attack because now I am afraid I am sinning and going to hell all because I want to chemically balance myself and STOP thinking like this.

And this is exactly what keeps me up at night.
And probably why subconsciously I want to be a fat old cow living my days out in a green pasture in Wisconsin and that being the reason I moo at night.

So all in all, I am pleased to say that I have checked one item off my resolution list. I am going to see my PCOS doc and get tons of blood work done to figure out all of my levels and figure out why I gained so much weight and what I need to do to level myself out which will in turn lead me to meeting my other resolution of losing weight and it'll be a wonderful domino effect from there.... I know it.

here it is since the video didnt work....

well, since the video didnt work - here are some pics. i'll post better ones later this evening....

above is bailee and her monster. this

has been her favorite stuffed animal since

she was a year old! weirdo!!!

above is the stage - tee hee

Just guess what I am typing this on...

my new laptop.

lol

bailee got jipped.

bailee asked for a laptop for Christmas, as I mentioned in my previous post, and I did ask my dad if he'd be the one to play santa for that gift, really all she wanted was this cheapo laptop from rite-aid that i don't think did much.... and well, I guess he knows me too well and thought I was asking for a laptop for myself.... lol... and well, he came through lol.

bailee got a really great kiddo keyboard hookup for our home PC, so he ended up coming through for both of us. Good old Santa Opi (my dads "grandfather" name).

Well, Christmas was great. The inlaws stayed with us for about 3 days, which was wonderful for us all!

Santa was AWESOME to bailee this year. she got her dance stage complete with karaoke machine that came with 2 pink microphones, stage lighting and a microphone and stand. she got her tap shoes, her twister hopscotch and some pretty clothing which included a jonas brothers shirt that she won't take off.... lol

but i am most proud of the stage... wanna see?

it took her literally 2 hours to even go NEAR it!!!! I was in shock! When we took her downstairs to see it, she seemed a little shocked herself, and then I guess she was feeling the pressure of all of us standing there hoping she would get up on stage and do a little number, so she just kinda froze. but now she is singing to her little hearts content at all hours of the day.

you know, i love this laptop and all, but i forgot how much i hate the little built-in finger mouse pad thing.... argh.

i dont think the video worked.... so here goes, lets see if it did....

Oh it's Christmas time again...

And I'm broke!
Thank God Bailee has such grown up taste and presented Santa with a VERY reasonable list this year, which includes:

- a dance stage
- tap dance shoes
- pretty dresses and shoes (my girly girl)
- pretty jewelry
- Chronicles of Narnia and Bridge to Teribithia DVD's
- a twister/hopschotch game
- and........ a lap top.

Don't ask where she got the idea for a laptop. I don't even know if she understands what a lap top is, but whatever. Thank God for ingenious toy makers who make cheap laptops that flash lights and make weird noises to satisfy these 17 year old - 4 year old kids. lol.

The stage I am SUPER excited about. She saw the Extreme Makeover Home Edition for the family in Poolesville and the 4 little girls had a stage built into their bedroom. She was in awe when she spotted that. So, I luckily know plenty of rednecks who have plenty of 2x4's and plywood laying around, and I personally love to build things, so this Sunday I am building her a
5 x 5 stage!! Really, the only cost I'll incur is the peel and stick vinyl tile, some paint and some bright red rope lights to fit snugly under stage to give it that all important glow.
I'm happy because it means I can start donating some toys in her playroom (all the less for me to clean and all the less for the dog to devour)

As for the rest of my loved ones... well, I literally have not purchased ONE SINGLE THING. Not one. And honestly, I haven't purchased anything for Bailee yet either.
I'm getting a little nervous that I'll be one of those Christmas Eve shoppers who decides to say 'screw the water company - I'm buying gifts'. But I think my family needs running water more than others need a gift. But I'm not fretting, and I'll just see how it all pans out.

Last night, my office went to a dinner theater for our annual Christmas Dinner/Party. We went to Way Off Broadway, in Frederick and let me tell you - I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! I have never been to any dinner theater before, and this was great! The food was great, the cast was hilarious and the play was awesome. It was about a kinda dysfunctional family and the "normal" son was coming to visit for the evening with his new girlfriend before they jetted off to the Bahamas, and they are totally embarrassed by the family, it starts snowing, their plane is delayed and they are stuck. In the end, the new g/f is dancing and singing along with all the weirdos and finally the son understands that while the family is crazy - they are his and he loves them. AW. My life story, let me tell you.

And, I was even in it!!! lol, there was also a neighbor girl who came over to join in the crazy Holiday spirit, and she was on crack. Not literally, but she spoke 1,000 words a minute, switched from subject to subject, was about to POP with happiness and I had to fight the urge to walk up on stage and squeeze the hell out of her, she was so cute! Granted, she was probably my age, and that would have been inappropriate, but I loved her! Anddddd then my boss decides to say "Lizzie, you remind me of that girl...." and then I took a REAL GOOD LONG hard look at myself and realized OH..................... MY................................GOD.......................................................

it is true.

But all in all, my face hurt from smiling and laughing so much, my tummy full of the great food - it was a great night and I can't wait to take Bailee to a children's production!

Well... if you feel like it, entertain me! What did YOU ask Santa for this year???
Me? I asked for some Clinique Happy and Clinique Happy Heart perfume, some DKNY Be Delicious perfume, some Cool Water perfume, some Freesia lotion, some household fire extinguishers, some safety escape ladders, PaintShop Pro, a tri-pod for my camera, a new printer and lots and lots of money!!!!!

And if I don't blog beforehand - MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!